 fortune index all fortunes
| | #6381 | | "There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial:
both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to
talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him
during the trial."
-- David Letterman
| | | #6382 | | There's no justice in this world.
-- Frank Costello, on the prosecution of "Lucky" Luciano by
New York district attorney Thomas Dewey after Luciano had
saved Dewey from assassination by Dutch Schultz (by ordering
the assassination of Schultz instead)
| | | #6383 | | This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some
assembly may be required. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during
shipment. Use only as directed. May be too intense for some viewers. If
condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside.
Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. Not responsible for direct,
indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error
or failure to perform. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Substantial
penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Your cancelled
check is your receipt. Avoid contact with skin. Employees and their families
are not eligible. Beware of dog. Driver does not carry cash. Limited time
offer, call now to insure prompt delivery. Use only in well-ventilated area.
Keep away from fire or flame. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does
not include taxes, dealer prep, or delivery. Penalty for private use. Call
toll free before digging. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product
appear for identification purposes only. All models over 18 years of age. Do
not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be
paid by addressee. Apply only to affected area. One size fits all. Many
suitcases look alike. Edited for television. No solicitors. Reproduction
strictly prohibited. Restaurant package, not for resale. Objects in mirror
are closer than they appear. Decision of judges is final. This supersedes
all previous notices. No other warranty expressed or implied.
| | | #6384 | | Virginia law forbids bathtubs in the house; tubs must be kept in the yard.
| | | #6385 | | We may not like doctors, but at least they doctor. Bankers are not ever
popular but at least they bank. Policeman police and undertakers take
under. But lawyers do not give us law. We receive not the gladsome light
of jurisprudence, but rather precedents, objections, appeals, stays,
filings and forms, motions and counter-motions, all at $250 an hour.
-- Nolo News, summer 1989
| | | #6386 | | We should realize that a city is better off with bad laws, so long as they
remain fixed, then with good laws that are constantly being altered, that
the lack of learning combined with sound common sense is more helpful than
the kind of cleverness that gets out of hand, and that as a general rule,
states are better governed by the man in the street than by intellectuals.
These are the sort of people who want to appear wiser than the laws, who
want to get their own way in every general discussion, because they feel that
they cannot show off their intelligence in matters of greater importance, and
who, as a result, very often bring ruin on their country.
-- Cleon, Thucydides, III, 37 translation by Rex Warner
| | | #6387 | | Welcome to Utah.
If you think our liquor laws are funny, you should see our underwear!
| | | #6388 | | What do you have when you have six lawyers buried up to their necks in sand?
Not enough sand.
| | | #6389 | | When alerted to an intrusion by tinkling glass or otherwise, 1) Calm
yourself 2) Identify the intruder 3) If hostile, kill him.
Step number 3 is of particular importance. If you leave the guy alive
out of misguided softheartedness, he will repay your generosity of spirit
by suing you for causing his subsequent paraplegia and seek to force you
to support him for the rest of his rotten life. In court he will plead
that he was depressed because society had failed him, and that he was
looking for Mother Teresa for comfort and to offer his services to the
poor. In that lawsuit, you will lose. If, on the other hand, you kill
him, the most that you can expect is that a relative will bring a wrongful
death action. You will have two advantages: first, there be only your
story; forget Mother Teresa. Second, even if you lose, how much could
the bum's life be worth anyway? A Lot less than 50 years worth of
paralysis. Don't play George Bush and Saddam Hussein. Finish the job.
-- G. Gordon Liddy's "Forbes" column on personal security
| | | #6390 | | Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to
examine the laws of heat.
-- Christopher Morley
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